That's how the joke goes. Someone mentions a city that is known for being kind of run down, or perhaps just a little bit on the boring side, and then you smily wryly and say "Ah, yes, I spent a month there one weekend." And then you wait for everyone to catch on. Oh, he's not being serious, he's wittily implying that it's a boring place where nobody ever wants to go because there's nothing to do. Ahahaha, he's so funny. I must be perfectly clear, however, that I am in no way kidding, or trying to be funny, when I write, in all honesty, and with no hint of sarcasm, the following:
I spent a month in Jacksonville, Florida last weekend.
I was there to audition for the Jacksonville Symphony, along with about eighty other trombonists from around the country (where are all these trombonists coming from?). My first mistake came when I was booking a flight. The audition was on Sunday, with the semifinal and final rounds on Monday. Whereas the other trombonists from Rice arrived on Saturday and left Monday night, my return flight was on Tuesday morning, which, after I failed to advance past the preliminary round, left me with two whole days in Jacksonville with nothing to do but watch TV at my hotel and drink beer purchased from the Publix down the street. My second mistake was booking a hotel that was not within walking distance of downtown, which was where the audition took place. Not that downtown was that fun a place to be, mind you, but if I were there I could have avoided having to take a taxi everywhere, which would have been good because, as it turns out, it takes about 45 minutes for a taxi to show up after you call it in Jacksonville. No matter where you are.
It wasn't all that bad, really, I mean it was boring, but it was also nice to have a chance to relax and sit around and do nothing after the hectic end of the school year.
So now that I'm back in Houston and school is over, the name of the game has become Summer Plans. I have taken a job for the months of July and August at the Grand Teton Music Festival in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. It's a summer orchestra made up of professional musicians from around the country, and I am going to be working stage crew, along with my friend Craig and one other person who I do not know. Now, Jackson Hole, Wyoming is, from all that I have heard, an incredibly beautiful place, being right on the edge of Grand Teton National Park, which is itself just South of Yellowstone National Park. It is also in a part of the country to which I have never been, so I am very excited to get out there. However, the getting out there is a little complicated, as it is, one could say, hella far away. So after long deliberations, conversations, and calculations, here is the Master Plan for Summer 2006. All rights reserved.
May 10, or 11, or somewhere around there: drive from Houston to Boston, with stops in Nashville and Oberlin. ETA in Boston: May 15? Maybe?
May 15 (?) to June 20 (??): Boston (well, Newton).
June 20 (very approximately): begin driving from Boston to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, with a stop in Chicago very likely, and another stop after that definitely necessary, but I don't know where. Any suggestions?
June 25: Arrive in Jackson Hole. This is when I can move into my provided housing, so I have to temper the departure date to suit this date. Leaving June 20 should give me plenty of cushion.
June 26 - August 29 (???): Grand Teton Music Festival. I am employed, technically, until the 29th of August, but Rice begins before that date. Depending on when certain things occur, such as seating auditions for the orchestra, I may have to cut out of Wyoming and head back to Texas a little earlier than that. We shall see.
August ???? - May 2007: Houston!
So those are my summer plans! Exciting, no? By my calculations, I will be driving about 5,800 miles total. And I'm really excited about it. I must be losing my mind.
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10 comments:
a) You do know, I assume, that "Grand Teton" means--and I don't mean 'implies,' I mean 'MEANS'--it means: "Big Titties," in the Spanish vernacular of several hundred years ago. Now, I am in general loathe to use the word "titties," so please no one think me the worse for it, but that, my friends, is the closest direct translation available. Chrix will be playing at the Ancient Spanish Big Titties Music Festival in Jackson's Hole, Wyoming.
b) For a brief period in the first half of the 1980s, Wyoming's license plates were stamped: "Wyoming? Why not." It was the best they could come up with, and while quickly ousted, has yet to be topped.
c) Recommended stops would be Madison, WI if you know anyone there (you do if you dig enough) and/or the twin cities, St. Paul and Minnenenenneapolis, MN. I spent a week there with Amelia last year (oy Jesus, I guess I mean two years ago) and it was like the downest city I had ever imagined being anywhere in the world. A great time was had BESIDES the living with an outrageously hot girl for a week part. Other than those two places, i"m pretty sure there's nothing of interest going west anywhere between Chicago and the California coast. Oh! Except Wyoming. Right. Wyoming. Wyoming?
d) Entry "b" may not be based on factual evidence, but would probably be best left unquestioned in terms of actual validity.
e) Entry "a" is not to be called into question under any cicrumstances. It is True. TRUE.
I was aware of the fact that Grand Tetons means, literally, large bosoms. I have also been kept abreast of a nickname that various employees of the Grand Teton Music Festival have apparently given it, which is "Big Boob Band Camp." So, instead of GTMF, you can say things like BBBC to people who are in the know, and they will know what you are talking about. This was of course the main reason that I decided to work at BBBC.
Also, for some reason, BBBC makes me think of CCCP, the Russian language acronym for what we would call the USSR. This, of course, is slightly less sexy. But only slightly.
Or!!! You could just make that second stop in Nantucket. Now, it might actually be in the absolute wrong direction plus a few hours, but it's a nice place to stop for a night. And it would fit right into the bosoms theme, because, as I believe I have mentioned before, I now work at a tapas restaurant, which, said quickly enough, sounds like topless restaurant. And topless restaurants have bosoms a-plenty.
Grand Tetons! Chris, that's soooo awesome! It is one of the most beautiful places ever. Ever. AND! I think they have some sort of rodent called a "marmot". And "ground squirels", which, as you would guess, are squirells that live in the ground. Bizarre. As for places to stop, I have no idea. But- I do think you should stop at ALL tourist traps along the way. think of it, World's Largest Ball of String, World's Largest _(noun)_ Mt. Rushmore, etc.
Al
Oooooooooooooh, squirrels that LIVE in the ground, okay. That makes sense. I was thinking more along the lines of ground turkey or ground beef. Which doesn't make "ground squirrels" sound all that appetizing.
see, i was also thinking of ground squirrels like ground turkey, but i thought that sounded great. i got all nostalgic for oberlin coop food. fooooooooooooooooooooooood!
chrix, what's your address at the big titties band camp? and what are your dates for being there?
my secret word is, "vuxejl."
i dont really have anything to do with bosoms, working at the all boys school, but one of my students did offer to show me his penis, which is the male equivalent, right? so either way, call me when you get to boston please.
Any titty that looks like a giant, craggy, ominous, snow-covered mountain is to be avoided, no matter the pedigree of nomenclature. Especially french nomenclature.
That said....the chance to climb a 13,000 foot boob is not to be missed. Hope you bring your sherpa. If Grand Teton is for boobies...what could Big Horn be for????
While Wyoming isn't quite Montana...a few jokes can be readily adapted...
"What time is it in Wyoming when the sheep is against the fence???"
"Mountain Time"
"Wyoming...where men are MEN, and sheep are scared."
Some other fun facts about Wyoming...
More people live in Boston than the state of Wyoming, the 10th largest state. It joined the Union just one year after "Buckskin" Frank Leslie murdered his lover, the Tombstone prostitute Blonde Mollie Williams in a drunken rage. Something that he was probably shot for....in the wild wild west.
I was also dissapointed to see that the state dinosaur of Wyoming is the Triceratops...
HELLO I KNOW YOU ARE NOT IN HOUSTON BUT YOU SHOULD BLOG OR CALL ME OR SOMETHING, BEEYATCH.
I think it's hysterical that Jeni said "i don't have anything to do with bosoms."
Also hysterical that she said that a penis is the male equivalent of bosoms. Jeni, what the hell kind of idiot arrangement are you thinking of? Bosoms are most certainly not in any world the male equivalent of bosoms. Like, that wouldn't even occur to me. I can't imagine what kind of question would lead me to answer that way. "The female equivalent of a penis is her ____" "The male equivalent of bosoms is _____" I am blowing the retarded whistle on you.
My secret word is, "nthob."
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