A Letter to the Bank

The following is an exact reprint of a fax that I sent to Bank of America today about a deposit that I made that they lost:


Dear Sir or Madam to Whom it May Concern:

This correspondence is in regards to Claim #1422921MAR06, which has in the vernacular now come to be known as the case of one Christopher R. Burns v. one Faulty ATM Machine. What follows is a retelling of the events that have unfolded in the past two weeks, in case one reading this letter may be unfamiliar with them.

On March 14, 2006, an ATM deposit was made by the aforementioned Christopher Burns at an ordinary ATM machine in Houston, Texas. The deposit was of three checks, one for $250, one for $50, and one for $279.39, for a total deposit of $579.39. Shortly thereafter, Mr. Burns received a cryptic message from Bank of America itself, stating that only $79.50 in cash was received, and that the remaining $499.89 was to be removed from Mr. Burns's checking account, effective immediately. Mr. Burns took this to mean that, either by some act of God or warp in the time-space continuum (or both?), the checks deposited by Mr. Burns had somehow vanished between the ATM and the bank. On March 21, 2006, Mr. Burns filed a claim with Bank of America, at which time the $499.89 was added back to his account as a "temporary credit" while the matter was being resolved. Mr. Burns then received another letter from Bank of America, advising him to check if the three checks had cleared their originating accounts, and to report back to Bank of America within five (5) days with his findings.

The purpose of this fax is to inform Bank of America that the checks deposited have not cleared their originating accounts. Payment has been stopped on all three checks, and the original parties are in the process of writing new checks. Mr. Burns expects to be in possession of the new checks, totaling $579.39, before an exorbitantly long amount of time has passed. The purpose of this fax is also to serve as written record that Mr. Burns has in fact contacted Bank of America within the requested period of five (5) days from receipt of the aforementioned letter. Therefore please do not remove the temporary credit, as this would cause unnecessary stress on Mr. Burns, both financially and personally.

Lastly, Mr. Burns would be very much appreciative if you would advise him on what should be his next course of action in this matter. Oh, and as I have now told several people on the phone, please direct all future correspondence with Mr. Burns to the above address, not to the address associated with his checking account. Thank you so very much for your effort in this matter.

Most Sincerely and Forever Yours,
Christopher Burns